Why I haven’t posted in a bit

I am in a bipolar depression, and I mean the bad kind where everything makes you cry, and you feel so alone it hurts. My S.O doesn’t get it. I’ve asked him to read about the disorder and send him articles, I don’t think he reads them. I’m depressed self medication with some alcohol although I don’t drink and have years without doing so. You know what my S.O is doing? He is inside “giving me space” I told him I want to die, again the reply was for him to start doing yard work and when he was done he went inside. So I have no support. Don’t worry guys I have no plans of hurting myself just needed to put this out here because I’m not the only one who feels like this.